Lenny Leonard is a character on the television show The Simpsons.


Lenny: My eye! The doctor told me not to get jigs in it!

Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: code black.
Lenny: Black? That’s the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
Carl: I get it all the time.

Lenny: Hey Homer, that’s four strikes in a row! You’ve got a perfect game going.
Homer: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say Lenny; you’ll jinx him.
Lenny: Oh, right, sorry.
Lenny: Miss! Miss!… Sorry, I was calling the waitress… Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke.
Homer: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid seven-ten for this split.
Carl: Would you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter mouth.

Ned: And as for you! I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re a jerk!
Lenny: Hey! I’ve only been here a few minutes! What’s going on?

Frank Grimes: I’ve never seen him do any work around here. What is his job?
Lenny: Safety inspector.
Frank Grimes: That irresponsible oaf?! A man who by all rights should have been killed dozens of times by now?!
Lenny: Umm, three hundred sixteen times by my count.

Lenny: Ow, my eye! I’m not supposed to get pudding in it!
Mr. Burns: Ahaha, that was capital! My lung is aching.
Homer: I like when I throw the pudding.
Mr. Burns: Do it again; I’ll make it an even eight.
Homer: You’re the boss!
Lenny: Ow! I’m in hell!

Ralph: I’m gonna kill Hamlet! Here’s my mean face: grr!
Moe: Yeah, but just in case you fail, I put some poison on the drapes, the food, even on Carl and Lenny over there.
Lenny: If Hamlet touches either of us, he’s dead!
[they high five and drop dead]

Lenny: You’ve been world-famous for an hour.
Carl: You’re the internet’s number one non-porno site.
Lenny: Which makes you ten trillionth overall.

Homer: I couldn’t see her through the flaps, but she’s my kind of girl.
Lenny: Tell us more about the flaps!

Lenny: I don’t get what he’s doing, and I’m smart. Not book smart or street smart or brain smart, but… somethin’.

Lenny: Remember when we used to kiss like that, Carl? …with our respective girlfriends?

Carl: I don’t get it. What’s so “great” about this depression?
Lenny: I like how everything is sepia tone. Makes me all nostalgic.
Abe: I didn’t think it would come to this when I fought in the First World War.
Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
Abe: Oh, you’ll see!

Kent Brockman: It’s blob rule on the streets! And what’s worse, we’re being attacked by a fifty-foot Lenny!
Lenny: Nah, everyone’s paying attention to Homer.
Carl: [off camera] I still like you!
Lenny: Thanks, invisible Carl.

Lenny: I can’t tell when Lenny ends and Carl begins.
Carl: Statements like that are why people think we’re gay.

Lenny: I thought every part was good, but overall, I hated it.

Homer: Ooh, my horoscope! “Taurus: Today you will die.”
Marge: What?!
Homer: “…and you may get a compliment from an attractive co-worker!”… Lenny?

Marge: Homer, you married every gay couple in town.
Homer: Hey, what can I say? I love love.
Bart: I guess now you have to wait for some other guys to turn.
Homer: Hmm. Where’s Lenny and Carl?
Marge: Homer, don’t you push them! They have to work it out for themselves.

Homer: White guys have names like Lenny, whereas black guys have names like Carl.

Marge: Oh no! Not Lenny! Not Lenny!